My Resolution, No More Resolutions...


I don’t know about you, but I don’t make resolutions. If I do I am bound for failure. Then that failure leads to anxiety and low self-esteem. And then anxiety and low self-esteem can lead to bad habits. For me, drinking. I have been sober now for almost 21 years, and I am grateful “one day at a time” how far I have come in belief in myself, in accepting my afflictions along with my successes.

So what I do at the beginning of a new year is ask the Lord, or maybe for you your Higher Power, to guide me to do His will, to give me the where with all to achieve the goals I have, and to accept my failures. For example, I am writing a second book, “A Spiritual Journey Through Art”, a book on how certain works of art I have seen in my lifetime that have touched me to my very core. My intention is to complete it and have it published by the end of 2018. With the way my brain works, it is difficult to remain focused hours at a time. But I know I will do my best to achieve my goal. If I don’t, I will not, cannot, allow myself to spiral downward into a danger zone.

And, I save quotes that inspire me on a daily basis. Here are a few, and maybe they will inspire you as well...

“A year from now, you will wish you had started today.”
"Do not compare yourself to others, because you limit your potential in me"
“When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.”
“Just for today, help me, God, to remember that my life is a gift, that my health is a blessing, that this new day is filled with awesome potential, that I have the capacity to bring something wholly new and unique and good into this world...
Just for today, help me, God, to remember to be kind and patient to the people who love me, and to those who work with me too. Teach me to see all the beauty that I so often ignore, and to listen to the silent longing of my own soul...
Just for today, help me, God, to remember You...
Let this be a good day, God, full of joy and love.”

Learning to Dance in the Rain

Yesterday was a milestone, another miracle, if you will, in my little family’s life…

On January 31, 2016, my third grandson, Samuel, was born at 23 weeks, weighing 1 lb. 11 oz. My daughter, Savannah, had entered the high-risk ward of the hospital two weeks prior, having complications with cramping and bleeding. The doctors wanted to keep an eye on her in case there was an emergency. And yes, an emergency C-section happened on the 31st, and our sweet Samuel entered this world. Thus began the first five months of Samuel’s life in the NICU, beginning with several months in an incubator, countless surgeries on his eyes, lungs, and heart. There were times we did not know if he would live another day. And then there was the unknowing of how healthy he would be if he did survive. There were days of hope. There were days of despair. 

Not one day went by that Savannah and Martin, Samuel’s dad, did not spend moments of each day sitting quietly next to Samuel. I was and am so humbled by their quiet strength. Family and friends rallied around by helping Luke (8 at the time) and Jacob (7 at the time) live as normal a life as possible, picking them up from school, getting them to soccer and baseball practices… On March 16, 2016, Savannah, turning 35 that day, was able to hold Samuel for the very first time. When I entered Samuel’s little room that day and laid my eyes on Savannah holding him to her chest, with tears streaming down my face, my entire being was overcome with feelings that are unexplainable. There was such joy, and yet such heartache knowing all Savannah was enduring. If I could have, I would have taken all her pain and put it on me.  

With God’s grace and the amazing skill of doctors and nurses, whom I consider to be angels on this earth, Samuel thrived and was able to go home with his mom and dad and brothers on June 6, 2016. His due date had been May 29. He was still on oxygen, remaining so for the first few months. Many precautions were taken to protect his then fragile condition. Weekly check-ups with doctors and occupational therapists seemed unending…

Yesterday, a year-and-a half after sweet Samuel was born, he once again had to undergo surgery, this time to correct his vision. Savannah and Martin took another trip to the hospital with our precious miracle. Martin sent me an adorable photo of Samuel, all prepped for surgery, gazing into his dad’s eyes. I took Luke and Jacob to a fun park to pass the afternoon playing miniature golf, riding go carts, and then on to soccer practice. While at practice I got the much-awaited phone call—his surgery had gone flawlessly!. All that was needed was much rest for Mom and Dad and Samuel! And Luke and Jacob, being the protective older brothers they are, hurried their Nana along so they could get home to hold their little brother. 

I am forever grateful to report that Samuel is leading a healthy life. Yes, there will be therapy sessions for awhile to see how he is progressing in his physical and mental skills. But he is a happy, healthy little boy with a personality, a smile, a giggle that melts all our hearts. 

We never know where life is going to lead us. We take for granted so many things. And then life can send us a curve ball at any given moment. Though so difficult at times, we must hold on deeply to our faith. I love the following quote, written by someone I will never know, but whose words I will never forget—

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass,
it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
— Unkown